Colleen McNamee of McNamee Mediations has a video of her recently radio interview regarding financial infidelity. The video is posted on the company’s YouTube channel. Small businesses in California can boost their online presence by posting videos about their services on social media sites.
Colleen, how do spouses even catch on to this double life?
The two most common ways that they end up finding out is when there’s a death, because you know, finances are looked at that point, or obviously, when there’s a divorce.
If there was a hidden account that nobody knew about, how does that pop up? Are there ways that other or hidden accounts all of a sudden pop up after a death certificate has been?
Well, a lot of times banks, especially bank accounts, have beneficiaries named. And so, you know, that could be a way that it could become disclosed.
So, what are the red flags that spouses should be looking for to prevent the problem from spiraling out of control and destroying their marriages.
I would say keeping an eye out for missing documentation, and any type of money that’s missing from the account – that seems weird and might be for an unusual expense that they’re not aware of. And anything that’s misdirected. If you see that they’re getting mail from a different credit card company that you know you don’t have a credit card with. It may not be junk mail. You may assume that’s what it is but it could actually be a statement. So just keep an eye out and be alert.
Another common situation, where maybe some of our listeners can even relate to it, is a situation where one of the parties (let’s just say for this case, it’s the wife) is giving funds to her parents on the side. And maybe they’re struggling financially to make ends meet, and she doesn’t want to tell her husband about it because she either thinks he won’t be supportive or she’s embarrassed to say that her parents are not doing well enough. So she each month slowly gives a little bit of money, a little cash under the table, little things here and there, which end up accumulating over time. And all of a sudden, she finds that they’re living paycheck to paycheck. And this particular case, she actually stopped paying the mortgage payments. The husband had no idea because she was in charge of all the finances. And the way he found out was that he came home from work one day and there was a bank notice on the front door saying that they were in jeopardy of foreclosure.
Wow! You know, the thing about the parents, I’ve actually heard about that quite a few times especially after the recent years where there was a lot of people that were struggling. And we’ve talked about it on the show a lot too. Kids, in this case, are really stuck sometimes in bad situations where they’d have to take care of their elderly parents, and their kids, and themselves. It could be a bad situation to be in especially if you’re not talking to your spouse. And that’s one thing that I would want everybody to hear right now on the takeaway is that, “Talk to your spouse. Sit down. Go over the finances together. Go over your concerns about the future and how you’re going to set things up.” It will alleviate a lot of the stress and I’ll bet you agree that you’ll find that most of the time with a good conversation, you both could be on the same page.