McNamee Mediations is a successful small business in Orange County, California that offers premarital workshops and divorce mediation services. In this video, Coleen McNamee explains that having a shared vision of a success can help couples avoid divorce.
Read the transcript of the video:
Alright. Number four. Not having a shared vision of success. What does that mean?
So how often have you heard someone say, “Everything changed after we got married”? And I think what we jokingly most typically hear is “She gained wait”, “She cut her hair”. And then from the female perspective is, “He works long hours” and “He doesn’t court me anymore. All the nice things he used to do when we were dating – he’d buy me flowers, he’d leave me sticky notes – he doesn’t do any of that anymore. He got what he wanted.” But that’s not what this is referencing, but it’s kind of along the same lines of something that you need to be aware of. That everything changed when we got married because he drives you crazy because you’re a saver and he’s a spender. Or if your idea of a getaway is a cozy cottage in the woods and he wants to hit the town and catch a game. Or he thinks your job is to cook and clean but you disagree. These are all things that you should be discussing prior to getting married, so that you have a shared vision moving forward. And then I think the flip side of that is it’s good to have diverse interests and to be willing to participate in those interests that your spouse has. So it might not be something that your favorite thing in the world. But don’t just poo-poo it because it’s not. Be willing to engage in it because there’s probably going to be something you would like him or her to engage in that’s yours, and that’s not something they’re really interested in.
That makes a lot of sense, but then again I just can’t help but think that people do changed. So that’s not how she used to be before, that’s not how he used to be before we got married. Well, you know what, it’s not 20 years earlier anymore. Hey there, times have changed. You think to be flexible enough to know how to grow with your spouse as things change.
I think that’s true, but I’ve also heard couples who’ve only been married a year who make these comments.